This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
