I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
