we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
