I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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