looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
