last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
