his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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