Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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