Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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