I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
