Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
