party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We're too hungover to prance.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
