i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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