Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
