so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
