So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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