Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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