why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
