I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I currently don't understand fingers.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
