Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
