I must be too annoying 4 u.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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