The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
