We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you had me at cake vodka
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
