Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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