we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
