dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
