I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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