Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Watching her eat just hurts me
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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