Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
