the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
