Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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