he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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