we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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