apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This toilet bowl is my home.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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