Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
