I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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