She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
