Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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