dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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