I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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