That's when you crack a 10am beer
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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