I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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