For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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