I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
