i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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