her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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