when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
