on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
