I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
