I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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