I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
