I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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